Back when I was getting out of my marriage to TSS, I only knew that I wanted one thing: to get out. Desperately, whole0heartedly, and with the only thing that felt I had left. My life. I was stripped of dignity, self-esteem, and sanity in 11 short months. I imagine that I had that wide eyed crazy look Slater gets before she attacks me.

In that instance, it truly was a matter of life and death for me.

When I walked away from him, at the ripe old age of 26, I did not give a second thought to the implications of getting involved in a 2nd marriage and relationship so quickly. Especially as an alcoholic. Looking back on the early years of my marriage to dh, I shake my head and wonder how we made it. Wading through the wreckage of the self-destructive path I was down, never knowing when I was going to sabotage myself again. <–  Believe me: I never saw it coming.

I have to laugh at my stupidity when I realize that it was always a mystery to me. Yet there it was, plain as the nose on my face.

Now we are both at a different juncture. Namely, both of us have quit drinking. It’s been a separate and intense journey for both of us, together and apart.

It’s forcing us to rewrite predetermined roles and reevaluate expectations. It has been humbling, frustrating, painful, and tearful (for me).

It’s an odd place to be. But I am coming to accept that I am in exactly the right place. Right NOW.